Things

     Lately I have been getting into learning my world around me, mostly plants. Learning what is edible and how to harvest it. I have really been enjoying learning! My dream is to learn all I can and be able to identify and use the things around me. 

   I have been struggling with doctors. I have seen specialists and they keep finding nothing. Fibromyalgia is such a horrible thing. The doctors can not see it and you eventually start wondering if you are crazy. The constant pain is enough but so many of my days have been unbearable lately. It get's discouraging and hopeless. 

   Photography has always been such a joy for me. But with pain, the joy disappears. However, I have tried to photograph backyard birds. I found a guy on instagram who has inspired me to go after my dream again of doing art photography. I'll explain that someday to you. 

   I am thankful for my husband who is always supportive, always helping me, and does anything he can to make my life easier. I am thankful to my son who should be off living his life but instead he stays close to home to help me out in so many ways. I am so proud of the man he has become. And of course, my tiny Paco. My chihuahua who is my love and keeps my spirits up. But beyond this all, I am thankful for Jesus who has given me all of these things and keeps my mind sane when life is just going crazy. 

   These are things lately. I did update my bariatric surgery page. things! 

Pain and depression

      I have been in such a flare for over two weeks now that it is so hard to dream of a future or of doing things. But here I am finding myself dreaming. I want to be able to do some hiking, like overnight hiking. I decided today that when I get smaller, less weight on my ankles and knees, I am going to do it. At least one night stay over. Even if I end up in a flare for months after, I will have two days of incredible memories.

   My encouragement is this, don't let life pass you by. Go out and enjoy it to the best of your abilities. If you have chronic pain or disabilities, find a way to still enjoy your life. I am. I have days I can barely walk but I get myself out to my backyard and watch the birds. Sometimes I even take my camera out there and photograph them. On good days, I go for a walk in nature on paved paths our town has and though I may not be hiking the mountains,  I am enjoying nature. Even if it is a drive in the woods, at least I am out!

   Keep on keeping on! Life will get better. There will be bad days but there will also be good days. Don't forget that!  

Can I?

    In my dream of living off the grid and living from what we grow or hunt,  I have started to learn new things. On my good days, I do what I can. This weekend, I canned my first batch. I made salsa from store foods as I don't have my garden yet, but I did this to try and I did it! My oven is not great and it took some time to figure out how to get the pressure going but, it eventually did. 

    I have done some reading on canning. I have watched videos. I found a recipe for salsa I wanted to try as I usually make pico de Gallo and gave it a shot. This is the video I watched. 

    So, if you are dreaming of living simply, learn. We can all learn new things. When I get better, I will do some how to's but for now, I will just share how I learned! 

       

Fibromyalgia

 UGH. I have been dealing with this for a long while but officially about a year. Today is a hard day. Every part of my body hurts. I am so tired of watching TV. I can not read books because my eyes are so blurry. So needless to say I am bored. I am forcing myself to get up and walk around outside with my dog but today I am unable to go on a long walk. That's just the way it is. You have to listen to your body. However, don't use it as an excuse. If you can push yourself, do it. My ankles and knees are killing me today and I have a Bakers Cyst on my right knee, plus I feel like there is something else wrong. So I am told not to push it. Plus, I have surgery coming up in four days. 

    My point in writing this pity party is this. The reality is, when you have this disease, you will have days you can push it. You have days you can go do things you used to do. BUT, you will also have days, probably many of them where you are not able to do anything other than breathe. And that is OK!

    Don't compare yourself to other people. Even other people with fibromyalgia because we are all different and in different stages. I have read about people in a group I am in who can run marathons. People who work full time jobs. People who do absolutely nothing all day due to their pain. People like me who can do a little but have horrible flares that take up most days. We are all different. All our pain is valid. All our good days are valid. Hang in there, there will be good days. For me, I have been getting about 5-10 a month and I LOVE these days. 

     You are not alone. You got this! We can get through this! Reach out and ask for help! Join some support groups! Love yourself and don't be so hard on yourself! 

   

Life, mental health, and physical health.

    Life has so many ups and downs and twists and turns. I never thought I would be this heavy. I never thought I would suffer from a daily, constant pain. But here I am. I am working on one and praying it helps the other. 

   Through it all, I have my husband and son who support me and love me no matter what. I am so thankful for them. We also have Paco, my chihuahua who is my cuddle buddy. He really heals my heart daily when I am alone. 

   Sometimes you need help. Whether it be from friends or family or whether it be a therapist, it is okay! It's okay to ask for help. I used to be so independent and never asked for help and now I need so much. I do see a therapist for my mental health. My boys help with my physical health. 

   If you don't have a doctor you like, it is okay to find a new one. I have gone through so many trying to find one who would see me and not my weight. I think I have one now, finally! 

   It is okay to not be around unhealthy people. 

   It is okay to take time for yourself. You can not take care of others if you are falling apart. Trust me, I know! 

   For now, I am signing off.  ☮

   

Take a breather...

    I started this blog for good reason and some how, I let the world around me drag me down to where I couldn't breathe. 

   This blog is to remind us all to breathe. To love. To enjoy the world around us. To seek out good things. To be open and gentle and loving. To walk with barefeet over the moss covered path. To feel the sand between our toes. To let the sun warm our souls from the outside inward. To let the wind refresh our spirit. To let love be something we gift freely to others. 

   I have posted a few updates on my different pages and I would encourage you to check back now and agian. I am going to begin this adventure again. 

    

Welcome to my world!

     This is going to be a blog all things organic, at least in my mind. I am going to share about my struggle with being plus size, with working out, with being healthy, with buying healthy, organic foods, and just general information to help you with your daily life and struggles. 

   I want to teach you as I learn myself about being in nature, learning from nature, eating things from nature, and having more peace in life. Overcoming what the world, even churches, are throwing at us and learning how to let go and be like Jesus, calm, collected, and focused on loving.
   I am a devoted follower of Christ and though I will not preach at you, don't be suprised if you hear Him mentioned! He is my source of strength and light!!
   I am going to try to keep this organized and keep things in pages so please, click those pages and check out the info. If there is anything you would like to see or hear about, please send me an email and let me know! organicallynik@gmail.com
   DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor and do not claim to be one. Please, always seek help from your doctor before trying anything you see here or if you need advice on a medical condition.